When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize