yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
