they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
