i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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