i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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