That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
