drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dignity is for republicans.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I want her autograph on my taint
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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