Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
