I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
