well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
