Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
