Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
love makes seman taste better
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
COCAINE IS GR8
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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