he puts the penis in happiness.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
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