did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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