what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
