At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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