I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
