lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
