I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
