is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
