We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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