Just fell off a train. Bad.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
