I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i will never coherently bang her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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