I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
