Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
