Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
