he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
