96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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