I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
