just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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