Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
