I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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