I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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