mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize