Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
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just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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