I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize