i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
