Swine flu. Run for my life!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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