You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
