i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
