the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How external is "for external use only"?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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