You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
