I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
