I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
