He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
