evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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