After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
