Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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