That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
