And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Semen is not good for contacts.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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