Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
