I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
