Betty ford says i'm here all night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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