dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
