Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
