i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
