My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
