Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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