i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
