I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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