Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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