yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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