tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
