Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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