he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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