remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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