just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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