I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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