miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
