So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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