dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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