Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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