Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
