Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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