A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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